Nighttime Musings
by doujinshininjah
Summary: Ivan muses after staying the night at Yao's. T because paranoia, one-shot.


Sometimes, having such a beautiful lover was scary. The endless worry slowly eroding away at your sanity, the worry that the other half of your heart that lay in someone else would be stolen away by someone you'd never seen coming. It would feel like being stabbed in the chest he was sure of it. Feeling his breath tightening his chest, Ivan let go of the breath he always held at this moment. Somehow It always came down to him holding a breath and waiting for a voice, a smell, a sensation, anything that told him he wouldn't be let go of. That told him someone would actually love him for once in his life without going back on that promise. Was this love real? Would it last if it was? So he did what he always did, waited for that promise. And every single time he waited, he was answered.

He felt the soft, silky touch of his lover's hair against his chest, and the smell of tea, and a gentle kiss against his cheek. Finally opening his eyes, the bright moonlight shrinking his pupils at an alarming rate, he let out another slow breath. Even after these hundreds of years, he was still getting used to having someone so close that would never even have a passing thought about hurting him. Even when he knew everyone had to be their own nation, their own person. He knew Yao would never betray his feelings. This feeling was so hard to let in, yet he did because he willed it so. He willed it into his heart, into his mind, into his bones. And he willed it there, because the release of love allowed him to let go of the other years of bloodshed tearing at his sanity every moment he closed his eyes away from this bed.

This place was his sanctuary, his refuge from the world and all its bitterness toward him and his people. Here, he was just a man with no responsibilities and no worries. Here he was all that he loved, where he wanted to be. Within love's tender embrace, he found respite and it fueled him against anything life threw at him. Ivan's skin began to tingle and he felt the light and feathery soft touch of Yao's fingertips leave trails of fire across his chest. He was sure now that Yao felt his heart racing, and the palm of that hand came to rest against it.

"You're thinking too hard again?" Ivan felt himself smile subtly, and he realized this was the only place he genuinely let himself do so.

"A little, but it is not a bad thing, da?" Yao raised himself up off the sheets to rest on his elbows.

"What are you thinking about?" Ivan turned his head to see that moonlight caress Yao's dark hair and golden eyes. He swore that every moment they spent together, Yao only grew more beautiful. What other explanation could there be for his heart beating faster?

"This. Us. Being here with you." He shrugged and Yao smiled down at him.

"That's a nice thought." Ivan knew it was, and he knew that Yao would appreciate his honesty in saying so. "Are you happy with this? With us? With being here with me?" Just the thought of asking him that made Ivan want to laugh. How could he not be happy here?

"That is a silly question, my little love." Yao giggled, looking down at the sheet before him.

"I know, but it's still nice to hear it every once in a while." Ivan nodded.

"Then yes, I am happy. With all of it. Especially with being here with you." Yao sighed.

"I can't believe anyone ever thought you were cold." Ivan blinked, adjusting his head to see Yao clearer with the light in his eyes. With a slow movement of his hand, he tucked a dark lock of Yao's hair behind his ear. These were the kinds of moments he kept going for. The moments when he could look into Yao's golden eyes and see his love reflected back at him, that this angel would swoop so low as to carry Ivan's broken spirit on his wings so effortlessly. What a fascinating creature love could be.

"It happens, little Yao." The Asian sighed happily.

"I suppose it does. Are you ready to sleep my love?" Ivan shook his head. This was one time he never wanted to close his eyes. Not when Yao was so completely open with him and looking so gorgeous. He didn't want to miss a moment of watching Yao breathing, of his heart beating. To Ivan, every moment he spent with Yao was worth saving as a memory.

"Nyet, but if you are tired I would like you to get some rest. You don't have to worry about me." He watched Yao nod and lay beside him, the other's thin arm reaching out to hold as much of him as it could.

"Alright, but don't stay up too late. We have a meeting tomorrow." Ivan nodded once more before Yao added on. "I love you." Those words, to anyone else, wouldn't be a tenth as special as they were to Ivan. They spoke volumes to him, and they always had ever since he found that his heart still had a beat way back when he first met Yao. And oh did he remember it so clearly.

"I love you too, little Yao." He felt Yao's mouth curl up in a smile, and just that thought made him smile too. He could make someone smile just by existing, just by laying in a bed and exchanging kisses. This love really was extraordinary, the way it could make him feel like he'd never felt anything before. The touches, the feelings and emotions that it brought him all felt brand-new even though he'd lived with them for such a long time.

Now he closed his eyes again, thinking about the other nations. They'd never understand that this was really the key to happiness, just loving someone with all your fool heart and having them return that love without a thought against doing so. They kept their minds and emotions closed to this, to this whole new universe that was being in love with someone you could spend eternity with. He hoped for their sake, they could stop and look at someone and just feel their frozen hearts melt in an instant. That was how it had happened when he looked at Yao, and he wished that everyone else could find a love like his. But then again, he doubted anyone could ever love anything or anyone half as much as he loved Yao. It was pretty unlikely.

With another deep breath, he felt the warm night air from the open window fill his lungs. If there were anything more beautiful in the world than this feeling, than being him at this moment buried in Yao's embrace, he was sure that he'd not give anything up for it. He'd never give these feelings up, not for the world. They could offer him money, power, anything they could throw at him and he'd trade it all just to stay with Yao because in reality to him… Yao was his whole world and there was nothing anyone could do to take this away from him.


End file.
